A Really Shitty Conversation

(It is an imaginary conversation and YOU is an imaginary character whose resemblance to anyone and subsequent mockery is subject to author's discretion. Don't read if you feel like getting offended today)

Me : Hey wassup!! Sit down… let’s talk... Want some tea? (Make your own)

YOU: yeah it’s been really long and I have been dying to talk. Let’s talk about football.

Me : nah!! I know united lost the season and their reputation like anything. Your team didn’t do shit either but I would not allow you to be smug anymore. (I reserve that right, it’s my narrative).

YOU: cool... let’s talk about books.

Me: Sure

YOU: so the new Chetan Bhagat book is out. It’s pretty awesome.

Me: yeah I know… I slid it under my door… saved 20 bucks on door stopper.

YOU: Alright fine... what about movies? Did you watch ‘the 2 states’, it’s based on Chetan Bhagat’s novel... I’m telling you it’s great.

Me: Really!! I must buy the dvd then... my other door needs a stopper too...

YOU: wassup with the sarcasm?

Me: Who started the jokes?

YOU: OK… there’s been too much political debate going on. I have talked a lot about it... but what the hell!! Let’s talk about elections.

Me: Cool!! So did you vote?

YOU: yeah!

Me: why?

YOU: dude! It’s my right and my responsibility and my opinion. Did you not see ‘my finger’ on facebook?? Why didn’t you like it? My 111 other friends did!!

Me: Yeah… sorry bout that… Your finger didn’t seem that appealing. Anyways… who did you vote for?

YOU: I won’t tell you that... but the chances of my party’s winning are really high… (Shit!! Did I reveal it?)

Me: Ok... so who do you think will become the P.M.?

YOU (as if on reflex): Modi.

Me: Why?

YOU: dude... there is Modi wave across the country.

Me: A few more days and there’ll be a heat wave across the country... how does that matter?

YOU: Ok… haven’t you heard about the Gujarat model?

Me: Of course I’ve HEARD of the Gujarat model, sounds amazing. What about it?

YOU: well, once he becomes P.M… he’ll implement the model all over the country.

Me: that ought to work… especially since all the states like Tripura, T.N., J&K, Bihar etc. are so similar to Gujarat?

YOU: What do you mean?

Me: It’s like this amazing t-shirt that I brought. Since it is so amazing, it not only fits me but also my dad, mom and my sister.

YOU: Ok I get your point… he’ll bring about a change in government.

Me: Of course he will… a switch from Congress to BJP… like we haven’t seen that before!!!

YOU: dude… he has really developed Gujarat and provided good governance.

Me: so has Nitish Kumar and Naveen Patnaik.

YOU: I don’t know… he is just awesome. Did you hear about the hologram speeches… I mean if that’s not innovative, then what is? And besides, the jingle is too catchy “ab ki baar Modi sarkar”… I chant it even when I am sleeping.

Me: yeah well there’s nothing like a good jingle and virtual presence to govern a country.

YOU: what are you blaming me for? All the opinion polls say that he is going to win.

ME: (speechless for a moment)

Me: Ok what about congress and Rahul… oh! Ok, I heard myself… sorry…LOL…

Me: What about Arvind Kejriwal?

YOU: I don’t know… seems like a nice guy. But he doesn’t have the experience or the capacity to form a government so why waste my vote?

Me: you said that your vote was your opinion, your preference… so why waste it indeed?

YOU: dude… he doesn’t seem like a leader… and remember how that auto driver slapped him? ... Hahahaha!!... It was freaking hilarious... Did you see his face? ROFL.

Me: yeah it was funny… who doesn’t like watching a leader being slapped now and then. Maybe he deserved it. Maybe he didn’t.

YOU: dude… he ran away from Delhi assembly. That seemed like a betrayal to me.

Me: That I agree with… it was ironic that he ran from the chair given his penchant for dharnas and sit-ins. And of course wars, riots, corruption, malnourished children and farmers committing suicide are all mundane but resigning the chair must be betrayal. Besides, he said that he resigned based on ideology.

YOU: Who has time for ideology man? Wait… woohoo!!! I just levelled up in Candy Crush.

YOU: then why did he get slapped?

Me: is he really accountable for the mood swings of every tom, dick and harry? And besides, an auto driver was able to slap him... don’t you think that shows he is much more accessible? Can you imagine Mr. Modi or Mr. Gandhi being slapped like that?

YOU: Why are you batting for Arvind Kejriwal?

Me: I’m not… I’m just talking.

YOU: you are so naïve… all you have is bookish knowledge and you believe whatever comes out in media?

Me: yeah sure… and you must be the seasoned thinker I had heard about. You form your own opinions, I guess!!

YOU:  You know what I don’t wanna talk anymore…You are too sarcastic… and smug… and cynical… and besides I hate you anyways.

Me: sure… always a pleasure talking to you!